If you’re dealing with a conflict-avoidant partner, forcing an argument won’t work. Handling a conflict-avoidant partner requires patience, empathy, and strategic communication. Understanding these emotional triggers can help both partners work towards healthier communication. Spinelli highly recommends therapy for people who tend to avoid conflict because it can help you understand why you avoid conflict and practice conflict-management techniques.

That fear may come from past experiences, learned behaviors, or your beliefs about relationships. You might smile and nod, change the subject, stay silent, or agree to something that doesn’t feel right just to avoid upsetting your partner. Conflict avoidance is the act of withdrawing from or dodging confrontation. It can be challenging to communicate with someone who avoids conflict. It may also enhance productivity by enabling individuals to address conflict directly rather than procrastinating and avoiding it.

Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead)

If you grew up in a home where conflicts were loud or destructive, avoiding disagreements might feel like self-preservation. Remember, conflict avoidance might feel like the safer option in the moment, but it doesn’t lead to lasting peace. Or, you might benefit from reaching out to a counselor or therapist to help you overcome childhood issues that have led to fear of confrontation in relationships. If this is the case, you might take some time to self-reflect on the root causes of your conflict avoidance.

Why do I hate confrontation?

Instead, they approach disagreements as opportunities to understand each other better. Over time, Emma’s resentment spilled out in sarcastic comments and passive-aggressive behavior. But the truth is, unspoken needs and frustrations leave your partner guessing. Resentment often sneaks in quietly, but it erodes emotional closeness. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Plus, avoidance also led to increased emotional exhaustion. A study on workplace incivility found that avoiding conflict doesn’t stop friction from reoccurring in the workplace. “Avoiding conflict means bottling up emotions, and when we bottle up our feelings, it can negatively manifest in the body,” she explains. “Individuals who are conflict-avoidant tend to expect there will be a negative reaction and avoid even interactions that are healthy conflicts,” she explains. However, some people avoid conflict at all costs — even when the conflict is necessary. Conflict can make most people feel uneasy, whether a full-blown argument or a civil confrontation.

• However, validating your partner’s feelings is crucial for building trust and moving forward.
• Below are a few additional tips to consider as you refine your conflict management skills.
• Suppose you can reframe your thoughts on conflict and recognize it as a necessary part of compromising and building a successful relationship.
• While the thought of facing conflict head-on can seem intimidating or overwhelming, it is typically possible to develop or refine your conflict management and conflict resolution skills over time.

If anxiety, depression, past trauma, or another mental health challenge is affecting your ability to handle conflict, a therapist may also help address these. Regulation can also help you cope with difficult feelings that may arise as a result of a conflict. While setting boundaries can be challenging for a person who tends to be conflict-avoidant, it is possible to do so by starting small. Try to be patient, as the way a person copes with conflict is typically deeply ingrained in them, often from childhood, and may take time to change.

Aside from our work life, avoiding conflict can manifest in our romantic relationships, friendships, and even family dynamics. If conflict avoidance is severely damaging the relationship, seeking therapy might be necessary. It’s also common to see a dating partner who avoids conflict fail to fully engage in difficult conversations, leaving their significant other feeling unheard or disregarded. This behavior is particularly challenging in conflict avoidance in marriage scenarios, where long-term avoidance can cause deep-seated issues.

Avoiding the avoidance

With patience, practice, and care, you can slowly unlearn avoidance. Avoiding conflict might feel safe at first, but it often keeps love and understanding at a distance. People with this conflict management style are often pleasers who want to be liked and fear upsetting others.

Reflect on the consequences of avoiding conflict

One way to prevent conflicts from festering and becoming unmanageable is to have a weekly “state of the union” meeting with your significant other. Rehearsing your words can boost your confidence and reduce anxiety. Practice starting the conversation in a non-confrontational manner, and make a list of points you’d like to cover during the discussion.

Short-term and long-term effects of conflict avoidance

• Avoidance can prolong and exacerbate the challenge and may negatively impact mental health in other ways.
• People-pleasing and conflict avoidance often go hand in hand.
• This method reinforces patience and comprehension, which are crucial in terms of conflict, what matters the most to relationships is mutual respect and understanding.
• Strategies can include engaging in deep breathing techniques before the confrontation.
• Emotional safety grows when both partners can bring up issues without fear of rejection or escalation.
• Some people may struggle to set boundaries or speak up for themselves in conflict because they are disconnected from their own needs and emotions.

If this sounds like you, you can develop greater confidence about conflict resolution by setting boundaries. Opening up to your partner and being vulnerable can increase your intimacy and develop a stronger sense of understanding between the two of you. Sharing your worries out loud can make them feel less overwhelming. If you feel you don’t deserve to meet your needs, you won’t speak up about things that bother you. You may also discover healthier ways to express emotions and set boundaries.

Health Conditions

In some cases, conflict avoidance occurs because we always assume the worst during disagreements. A study shows that avoiding conflict in relationships typically occurs because we want to maintain a sense of harmony. For people who have a fear of confrontation in relationships, what they are fearful of is big emotions. Conflict avoidance may result from how you perceive conflict in relationships. Sometimes it’s easier to “keep quiet” than risk tension… but avoiding hard conversations often leaves feelings bottled up, which eventually creates even bigger challenges! When you avoid the slightest disagreement, you’re compromising your true feelings and storing up frustration that can end up negatively affecting your health.

Addressing a tendency toward conflict avoidance can be challenging, as it’s often a deep-rooted, fear-based habit and may be linked to difficult or even traumatic past experiences. Culture can also play a significant role in a person’s tendency toward conflict avoidance. Below, examine what conflict avoidance looks like, where it originates, and how to address it to enhance interpersonal connections and overall well-being. However, consistently avoiding difficult conversations or addressing differences can negatively affect relationships and individual mental health. For people who tend to be conflict-avoidant, avoiding disagreements may seem like an effective way to maintain peace. If you’re conflict-avoidant, the idea of facing disagreements might feel overwhelming.

Understand that conflict avoidance creates superficial harmony

When you practice discussing your emotions in daily life, you’ll be better prepared to do so during times of conflict. Avoiding conflict usually means you have some underlying fear. Or, perhaps, you begin to feel anxious and depressed because you aren’t expressing your needs in your relationship. Think about all the times you have experienced adverse outcomes from conflict management. The earlier you address and resolve conflict in your relationship, the better, because unaddressed conflict can ruin the relationship if care is not taken.

Conflict avoidance can sometimes occur because of low self-esteem. Viewing conflict in a task-oriented light rather than as an emotional experience can relieve some of the pressure and alleviate fears. If you view conflict as a task to be completed rather than something to be fearful of, you can remove some negative emotions from confrontation. Over time, this physiological reaction can cause you to avoid conflict altogether because you don’t want to experience these symptoms. If you view confrontation in a negative light, you may be overly physiologically aroused during times of conflict. With effective conflict resolution, you can learn to create true harmony in your relationships.

Lifestyle Quizzes

Avoiding confrontation might feel like the easier choice in the moment. It creates anxiety because you’re pulled in both is molly addictive dependence and withdrawal symptoms directions. There are several explanations for how conflict brings up your fears.

Practice setting boundaries

Research suggests that online therapy can often be as effective as in-person therapy in treating a range of mental health challenges. Some people may not have many providers in their area, while others may feel anxious about speaking with a provider face-to-face. A therapist can help you uncover the roots of your tendency to avoid conflict and work with you on learning and practicing effective conflict management strategies. Emotional resilience may be helpful in conflict management because it can help you see an instance of disagreement or conflict as it is, rather than letting your anxiety magnify it. There are several approaches you can take to develop your communication skills, which can help you better manage conflict.

After all, isn’t your relationship worth the effort? When conflict gets heated, use repair attempts to de-escalate. Each disagreement is a chance to learn about your partner’s needs, values, and perspective. Instead of viewing conflict as a threat, see it as an opportunity.

Research with 36 couples found that mediation during conflict improved resolution, increased satisfaction, and reduced disagreement. In that case, you’ll be more comfortable approaching areas of concern or disagreement with your partner. Growth comes when we face things together, even if it feels scary.